GD003: Katy Pinke - hope)is st anding st.ar

order tape

Listen on Nina Protocol here

Track List:

Side A - 1) a song for the goats 2) barbra streisand 3) grey white 4) hope)is st anding st.ar 5) rejection is hot 6) repetition 7) sing arrow 8) wonder

Side B - 9) story big enough to live in

1. a song for the goats
the moon is out and the sky is pink
pink and getting pinker
2. barbra streisand
high low,
high and low
high and low
high and low

go to Brazil
go to Brazil
put your fingers up
in a bunny ear sign
and touch the rock
touch the rainbow ride

I have other ideas
if you wanna hear

throw out the stack of tapes
and the stack of books
and the tacky stuff
you swore you’d go through for years

throw out the window shades
and the candle sticks
and the big red eye
blocking all your hints
from, from, from, from appearing

throw it all out and go to brazil

watch the kino video
the rhinoceros
coming through the gates
it is talking to
the made you
in the future
at the jazz club

throw it all out and find out
Barbra Streisand
did she really just hand you that mixtape?


3. grey white

first i heard it
inadvertent
there it was
blurry glowing
fingernail behind the blue light of a blue veil

quiet, present with me
not asking anything but to be

now i’m looking all grey white
and i thought empty
but the traces of birds circling
and disappearing
like smoke back into nothing
it’s crying as music letting go of tears

out of nowhere
one by one
from nothingness, white letting go
from nothingness, periwinkle

waiting for me to move forward
telling me something I already know

the triangle between the buildings
the yellow glowing windows

the quiet is darker now but
it’s telling me

I could send you a message
I could tell you I love you
finally


4. h)ope

air becomes or
A
New
Life

Now and
This no
Littler than a

fear
no
bigger

Than a hope is

st

anding

Star





5. rejection is hot

what do we use our bravery for?

what do we use our bravery for?
the thing i noticed was
the needing of you
I did not think I could do it alone

I wanted you to take care of me
hold my hand while I unraveled my dreams
the alternate timelines are hard to let go of
I wonder if you still think of me like that

I feel the dream broken
I know I could surrender

there is something deeper in me
wilder, bigger
I wanted them to meet
each other

but I need to find my own
I’ve never focused before

I’ve been missing you
so much
there’s so much shame
feeling like it’s my fault
and maybe I’ll just call up

what do we use our bravery for?
what do we use our bravery for?

6. repetition

[spoken excerpt from an essay titled “Delving” by Rev. Master Daishin Morgan]

7. sing arrow

sing, arrow
sing, arrow

like you missed me i could feel something through
like you miss me but i misconstrued something like you missed me
I wished you missed me but I felt it wrong I felt it fall

sing, arrow
sing, arrow

8. wonder

this land is
there is a bird that never lands
and sleeps on wind
and sees time in the window
look at what they do
i saw an invisible
embrace on the playground
next to pier 21
on my empty walk
it spoke in long bright waves:

“people will be confusing, you will be confusing,
meanness is just all the knots inside / behind, twisting into an elephant
that doesn’t know how he got here, and he wants to dissolve back to heaven
and we just have to untie…”

the knots
oh no

someone

is gods

men blue

bully bully

freakout mirror

and i cry
the world of birds
i cry the loop
of everything

but welcome
to the dream fish

in the wishtown

flew
flew
above
water



9. story big enough to live in

there is something beyond what we think we know
i’m going to keep listening
i promise
i’m going to keep listening
i’m gonna do my best to make things better
i see a circle
i see a circle: a kid girl, afraid of not knowing
other side is beautiful curiosity
i’m holding you now
i’m holding you now
we both must run towards the mirror
we both must run towards the mirror
forgiving hurts but it’s an ongoing process like breathing
forgiving hurts but it’s an ongoing process like breathing
there’s no reason
to go
there were so many moments
yesterday i understood (i see a circle)
the gorgeous order (i see a circle, other side is beautiful, curiosity)
i had to get this day from another song
if he—
(open dream: “pack, don’t forget your pillow”)
is he willing?
(open more)
if he loves bringing everyone
and staying a little—
there are houses i was meant to go in
but never meant to live in
i went through a swing door
into a back garden.
when you lose a partner dreams die like disappeared balloons into the sky
that you’d tied to strings in your heart
but what am i afraid of?
what am i afraid of?
what is to be learned
from this suffering
when i woke up i realized the love of a dream looked like
white lilies on the lake at night, white lilies on the lake at night
someone biting their knife
someone biting the sun,
white lilies on the lake at night
(i told him the game, it’s when i realized)
white lilies on the lake at night
(this isn’t normal, we forget ourselves)
someone biting their knife, someone biting the sun
watching it sway in the window
and the tree talking back
wondering: how did we?
how did we forget?
the shimmering feeling
remembering the miracle
no, no, no oh good
oh good i like the ones
oh good i like ones who are beyond
oh good
i like the ones who are beyond repair
it means
oh good
i like the ones who are beyond repair
because
i was thinking a true heart and a need
(self preservation)
i was selfless
you were
(self preservation)
swaying
in the wind
i see
the flag
and the tree
(self-preservation)
brrrooo brrooo
woodddurrrooo wuddoorruuu
(scream)
brrrooo brrooo
woodddurrrooo wuddoorruuu
(scream)
wa woulda woo
wa woulda woo
scream
wha woulda woo
what woulda woo
scream
wha woulda woo
what woulda woo
rrrrrboblololol
(scream)
a child!
a child!
the pain!
a child
a child
the pain touches
a child!
a child!
a child is touched by the pain
the pain touches

“there are two enemies of metta:
near: the affection, with an attachment to a result
[force of love, the soul you place in me is pure]
and far: ill will
and the antidote to both of them, is metta”
give the channel a turn, give the channel a turn to speak
(big hope, big trust, big hope big trust)
what difference—what is the difference between the present and peace?
what is the difference?
the radical thing about loving something difficult is—
(big hope, big trust, big hope, big trust)
love is so many things
(big hope, big trust, big hope, big trust)
it’s active
when it’s hard
when it’s fun
(big hope big trust)
when relationship transforms you changes you the way you see the beauty of beloved IS the seeing
(big hope big trust)
i like loving
i like that it is thought and felt and action
(let’s create a story big enough to live in)
we’re all creating stories anyway
let’s create a story big enough to live in
let’s create a story big enough to live in
corner of a circle: dark triad, corner of a circle, dark triad
he was singing an incredible song
(we both must run towards the mirror)
but he said he didn’t write it
his songs came on after—
there were so many moments
(corner of a circle, dark triad)
Wait, let’s create a story big enough to live in